"The Christmas That Almost Wasn't"
script by Paul Tripp
transcribed and annotated by James K. Read
edited by Cynthia A. Read

1. Start

EXT. - ROOFTOPS - NIGHT

The animated titles show Mr. Prune in a flying machine ruining Christmas, and Santa stopping him.

SINGER (V.O.)

There once was a Christmas
that almost wasn't,
Almost wasn't, almost wasn't.
There once was a Christmas
that almost wasn't,
Because of a man named Prune.

Now, Prune was a man who...
Jolly: wasn't,
Sweet: wasn't, merry: wasn't
Oh, Prune was a man who just wasn't
A very nice man at all.

Prune, Prune, was his name.
He was a man who had no shame.
Prune, Prune, was his name.
If there is no Christmas
he's to blame.

He tried to stop Christmas.
We wished he wouldn't.
We thought he couldn't.
He knew he shouldn't.
He tried to stop Christmas
but Santa wouldn't
Let him have his way.

'Though Prune did his worst
Santa worried: wasn't,
Scared: wasn't, conquered: wasn't.
'Though Prune did his worst,
his best, it wasn't
Enough to stop Christmas day.

Prune, Prune, was his name.
He was a man who had no shame.
Prune, Prune, was his name.
If there is no Christmas
he's to blame.

So, there once was a Christmas
that almost wasn't,
Almost wasn't, almost wasn't.
There once was a Christmas
that almost wasn't,
Because of a man named Prune.

(spoken)

(Phineas T., that is. Prune.)

Animated curtains close.

Animated curtains open, revealing:

EXT. - TOWN SQUARE - DAY

A group of KIDS run down the steps to the town square, where a partially-decorated Christmas tree has been set up. They are led by SAM WHIPPLE.

KID

Where's that snow you promised us, Mr. Whipple?

SAM

Well, a person can be wrong; it's sure to snow by Christmas.

KID

Yes, but you promised us snow today.

SAM

Ah, well so I did! Well here, maybe this will hold you for awhile.

He reaches into his pocket and throws some CONFETTI in the air.

KIDS

Yea!

Sam goes through a BOX OF ORNAMENTS located next to a STEPLADDER and grabs a GARLAND.

SAM

Now, where do we start? Come on everybody, pitch in! That tree's too big for one fellow. Alright, here we go! Up the ladder! Up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up!

(ties garland to branch)

I'll tell you something: when we're finished with this tree, it's going to be the most beautiful tree in the whole wide world! Careful now! First one to drop one's a monkey! Now, how does that look?

DAVID

It looks fine, Mr. Whipple. But the way you're fastening everything down, you must be expecting Christmas to last the whole year round!

SAM

Imagine: Christmas in springtime! Wouldn't the Easter Bunny be surprised!

KID

Hey Mr. Whipple? How 'bout Christmas in summertime?

SAM

Hm...not a bad idea. Let's see: swimming in the afternoon, fireworks at night...you know something, Davy, the more I think of your idea, the better I like it.

DAVID

But that wasn't my idea, I...

SAM

All those in favor of having Christmas every day, raise your right hands and say "aye!"

KIDS

Aye!

DAVID

But that's impossible, Mr. Whipple. Christmas is only supposed to last one day.

SAM

Well, Davy, maybe that's because nobody ever thought of making it last any longer.

(starts singing as the kids help him decorate)

Why do people always make
the same mistake?
Why do they let
Christmas slip away?
What a lovely change,
if we could arrange,
For Christmas day to come and stay?
And never, ever go away?

Why can't every day be Christmas?
Why can't every day be gay?
Why can't every day be
Merry Christmas
Each and every day.

No need to wait until December--
It's always Christmas
in your heart.
Just as long as you
remember friends
Must never, ever part.

So, let each day be
Merry Christmas.
Don't let that feeling get away.
Let's make each day a
Merry Christmas,
And light a great big holiday.

KIDS

(singing)

Why can't every day be Christmas?
Why can't every day be gay?
Why can't every day be
Merry Christmas
Each and every day.

FADE TO:

2. Santa's Problem

EXT. - CITY STREET - NIGHT

Sam is on a STEPLADDER, decorating a streetlight and whistling "Why Can't Everyday Be Christmas?". The BOX of decorations is at the foot of the ladder. SANTA CLAUS approaches him from behind. He's wearing a plain hat and overcoat over his usual attire to make him look like an ordinary city-dweller.

SANTA

Mr. Whipple? Mr. Sam Whipple?

SAM

Hm? That's me all right. Oh sir, would you mind handing me that ball?

(Santa does, and Sam gets a good look at him)

Thank you, sir. I must be seeing things. Excuse me sir, I hope you're not going to laugh at me, but if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were Santa Claus. You certainly look like him.

SANTA

I am Santa Claus, and I'm not laughing.

SAM

That's what I thought. I'd have recognized you sooner if it hadn't been for that sad look on your face. Wait a minute. Wait a minute! If you are Santa, what are you doing here? You're early. Aren't you supposed to be up at the North Pole, getting the presents ready for the children?

SANTA

Christmas is not coming this year.

SAM

What! Not coming!

(descends ladder)

Who's going to stop it from coming?

SANTA

Mr. Phineas T. Prune. And he's just the fellow who can do it, too.

SAM

Did you say Prune? Phineas T. Prune, the multi-zillionaire with the pickle face, who lives in that big grouchy house over there? But why? What's got into him so suddenly?

SANTA

It isn't sudden at all. He's been out to ruin me and stop Christmas for many a long year now.

SAM

Why should he do a thing like that? There's got to be a reason.

SANTA

Children. He doesn't like children. He wants me to stop giving presents to children.

SAM

Santa! You couldn't do that!

SANTA

Oh, you know me better than that, Mr. Whipple. Besides, if I stopped giving presents to children, there'd be no reason for me at all, would there? But this time he's got me. I'm licked for sure.

SAM

Oh, come on, Santa. Don't talk like that.

OFFICER JIM walks by the pair just then. Santa turns away.

OFFICER

Good evening, Councilor.

SAM

Oh, good evening, Jim.

OFFICER

Well, the town certainly looks Christmas-y, doesn't it.

SAM

Yes, it certainly does.

OFFICER

Huh. I'm going off duty now. I'm going home to help the kids write their letters to Santa Claus. Would you like them to send Santa your regards?

SAM

Yes, you do that, Jim. We're old friends, Santa and I.

OFFICER

(tries to see who's behind Sam)

Good night.

SAM

Good night, Jim.

(moves to block Officer Jim)

Good night.

Officer Jim shrugs good-naturedly and EXITS. Sam picks up the box of decorations and leads Santa down the street.

SAM

Come on, Santa. Let's talk this over in my office. We wouldn't want people seeing you around this early.

SANTA

He called you "Councilor", Sam. Are you a lawyer or something?

SAM

That's me: Sam Whipple, Councilor and Attorney at Law. Now tell me, what's our pickle-faced friend got up his sleeve this year?

SANTA

Well, years ago, the Eskimos very generously gave Mrs. Santa and myself some land up at the North Pole, rent-free. But then last year, Mr. Prune came up and bought the whole North Pole. Including our little plot of land.

They reach the DOOR to Sam's office. Sam unlocks it.

SAM

You mean he's your landlord now?

SANTA

That's it, Sam. That's it exactly.

EXT./INT. - SAM'S OFFICE

Sam leads Santa through the DOOR into his small and darkened law office, putting the box of decorations on a shelf.

SANTA

And I owe him a year's rent. And we haven't got the money to pay it.

SAM

Oh, I see. So it's either you pay the rent, or out you go.

SANTA

Oh, I wouldn't mind that. Mrs. Santa and I could manage, somehow.

Sam turns up a gas lamp, gesturing towards the CHAIR reserved for his clients and takes off his hat.

SAM

Sit down, sit down.

SANTA

Thank you. It's the toys.

CHAIR

(*dies*)

Santa can't sit on any *ordinary* chair!

SAM

Oh, I'm sorry.

Sam grabs the CHAIR reserved for the client's significant other and offers it to Santa.

SANTA

It's the toys, you see, the Christmas presents I'm worried about. If we don't pay him, then Mr. Prune will take all the presents, as payment.

SAM

So that's his scheme: no presents, no happy children, no happy anyone, no Christmas. Nice fellow, Mr. Prune is.

Santa attempts to sit in the chair.

CHAIR #2

(*dies*)

SAM

Oh! I'm sorry. Here, use my chair.

Sam offers up the COMFY CHAIR behind his desk for Santa to use.

COMFY CHAIR

(*lives*)

SANTA

Thank you.

Sam lowers himself gingerly onto what's left of chair #2 and looks up from his position at Santa.

SAM

When's the rent due, Santa?

SANTA

Christmas Eve, at midnight.

SAM

Doesn't leave you much time, does it?

SANTA

That's why I came all the way down here to find you.

SAM

Why me? I'm nobody special.

SANTA

Years ago, when you were a little boy, you wrote me a letter.

SAM

So did a million other children.

SANTA

That's very true. But you see, Sam, you're the only child who wrote me a letter after Christmas. You spelled "thankk you" with two "k"'s.

SAM

(laughing)

I did? You know, I'd forgotten about that!

Santa produces a LETTER from inside his coat.

SANTA

Well, I didn't forget. You even put in a P.S.

Santa hands the letter to Sam, who reads it.

SAM

"Dear Santa, if you ever need anything, please call on yours truly. Samuel Whipple, Esquire."

SANTA

Well, Sam, I'm calling on you now, if you don't mind. I'm in trouble.

Sam opens his WALLET.

SAM

How much do you owe, Santa?

SANTA

Oh, no, I couldn't.

SAM

Now, now, now. Come on, Santa. I'm a lawyer, and lawyers don't like to lose arguments. How much?

Santa gives Sam a BILL.

SANTA

Well, here's the rent bill.

Sam examines the bill and whistles.

SAM

...that much! Hm.

Sam looks through his wallet and pulls out a small amount of MONEY. He then goes through his pockets to find change and a KEY. He then uses the key on a WALL SAFE, which contains legal papers, but no money.

SAM

Now don't get me wrong, Santa. I'm really a good lawyer. I just keep forgetting to send out bills. I'm sorry, Santa, but I'm afraid it's a little too steep for me.

Sam puts his hat on.

SAM

We're going over to have a little chat with Mr. Prune, and tell him a thing or two.

Sam leads Santa towards the door.

SANTA

You'll never get in to see him.

SAM

Oh, I'll get in, all right. I'd like to see him stop me.

Sam and Santa EXIT.

EXT. - CITY STREET - NIGHT

Sam and Santa ENTER.

SAM

Come on. Don't you worry about a thing.

They cross the street to the DOOR to Prune's mansion. A chained GUARD DOG barks his lungs out and desperately tries to reach the two visitors.

SAM

Nice, nice, nice doggy!

Sam raps on the door using the KNOCKER.

INSERT - INSIDE DOOR

A HAND turns four DEADBOLTS.

BACK TO SCENE

The door is opened by Mr. Prune's dour butler, BLOSSOM.

SAM

Good evening Mr. Pru....Oh, you're not Mr. Prune, are you?

BLOSSOM

No.

More barking. Blossom stares at the dog in annoyance. This has no effect.

SAM

Yes, I see. Well, nice evening, isn't it?

BLOSSOM

Well, don't just stand there, state your business.

SAM

Business? Oh yes, of course. Mr. S. Claus and Mr. S. Whipple to see Mr. P. Prune!

BLOSSOM

He's not in.

SAM

But I...

BLOSSOM

He's not in.

SAM

Well...

BLOSSOM

I said, he's not in.

SAM

Why isn't he in?

BLOSSOM

Because...

(sniffs loudly)

... he is out!

Blossom SLAMS the door.

DOG

(*barks*)

SAM

Well, Santa, we're just going to sit right here, and wait for Mr. Prune... .

Sam attempts to rest his rear end on the step, and the dog nearly removes it.

SAM

Wow!

(standing)

Even if it takes all night.

SANTA

We'd better wait at my house.

SAM

Your house?

SANTA

That's where he shows up every evening at suppertime, to ask for the rent money. He says it gives him the greatest pleasure to spoil our appetites.

SAM

Well then, Santa, come on, let's head for the North Pole!

The two men finally fulfil the dog's fondest wish by EXITing.

3. The North Pole

EXT. - SANTA'S COTTAGE - DAY

MRS. SANTA kneels in the snow, filling a pot with the white stuff.

MRS. SANTA

Oh, I do wish Santa would come. I'm so worried.

She takes the pot into the cottage.

EXT./INT. - SANTA'S DINING ROOM/KITCHEN

MRS. SANTA

But I really mustn't worry, must I. Santa said not to worry.

(singing)

La-la-la la la, la-la-la la la,
La-la-la la-la-la, la la la.

She continues humming "Christmas Is Coming" and prepares dinner, melting the snow for water. She suddenly stops.

MRS. SANTA

Not a sound. Not one single, solitary sound.

She opens a door to reveal:

INT. - SANTA'S WORKSHOP

The elves are all sitting at their stations and being depressed. To the left, sitting at a high desk, is JONATHAN, the head elf. He must be an honorary elf, since he's twice as tall as the rest of the elves. The other elves do not have names in the film, so I shall name them to keep them straight. From left to right, they are: APRICOT, SPINACH, HAPPY, LEMON, HURRAY, SUPPOSING and CRABAPPLE. The only one of these names that's obvious in this scene is Happy (I mean, look at him!), but the reasons for the others will soon become clear.

MRS. SANTA

Well, I declare! I really must declare! Not a lick! Not a stitch of work being done! What will Santa think?

JONATHAN

What's the use of making toys if Mr. Prune is going to get them all?

MRS. SANTA

Ah, so that's it! Now don't you worry your dear little heads. Santa's gone to see a friend about that. Everything's going to be all right--don't you fret. Come on now, back to work everybody! Just keep saying to yourself:

(singing)

Christmas is coming, Christmas is coming,
Christmas is coming, 'twill soon be here.

Christmas is coming, Christmas is coming,
Christmas day, 'twill soon be here.

The elves, properly medicated on Christmas cheer, set to work, to a really-scary musical accompaniment.

MRS. SANTA

Good boys.

JONATHAN

(happy singing)

Helter-skelter, hustle-bustle, hurry-scurry, hippety-hop!
And never shilly-shally, dilly-dally,
Fiddle-faddle, flippety-flop!

SUPPOSING

But supposing Christmas doesn't come?

Horrors!

JONATHAN

(sour singing)

Shilly, shally, dilly, dally,
Fiddle, faddle, flippety, flop!
Why should we helter, skelter, hustle, bustle,
Hurry, scurry, hippety, hop?

MRS. SANTA

But Christmas will come!

And the elves are happy again. But suddenly, the cottage is STRUCK by an explosion!

MRS. SANTA

Santa's home!

EXT. - SANTA'S COTTAGE

SANTA and SAM get out of the sleigh which has landed outside the cottage.

SANTA

Let me give you a hand. We'll get you warmed up quickly enough.

Sam is shell-shocked, and frozen to the bone.

SAM

That w-was quite a ride! I'm still not sure I believe it!

SANTA

Just a short hop. I do it all the time. Fun, isn't it?

SAM

Uh-huh. Great fun.

INT. - SANTA'S DINING ROOM/KITCHEN

They enter the cottage.

MRS. SANTA

Oh Santa, you did it again. How many times do I have to tell you not to come down so fast?

SANTA

Now, now, Mother, we have a guest! This is Sam Whipple. And Mother, he's a lawyer!

Horrors!

MRS. SANTA

Oh, good!

Oh. Uh, never mind, then.

SAM

This is a great pleasure, Mrs. Claus.

MRS. SANTA

My pleasure. Why the poor young man is frozen! Oh, the poor dear! Santa! Aren't you ashamed of yourself? Dragging Mr. Whipple up to the North Pole, without so much as a fur coat?

SANTA

But Mother, I...

MRS. SANTA

Oh, I declare, you men are all children! Every one of you. Put my shawl around you. A nice cup of tea will fix you up just fine!

SAM

Thank you!

MRS. SANTA

My, Santa, such a fine-looking gentleman. Reminds me of you when you were younger!

SANTA

Ha-ha-ha!

SAM

You flatter me, Mrs. Claus!

MRS. SANTA

Santa! I haven't heard you laugh in ever-so long. Does that mean that everything is going to be alright? Christmas really is coming? Oh, I'm so glad!

The three of them sit down for tea.

SANTA

Now, now, Mother. Not so fast. We hope so, but we're not sure yet. Sam here will speak to Mr. Prune, and then we shall see.

SAM

Now that's the best cup of tea I have ever tasted! All right, Mr. Prune, wherever you are! I'm ready for you now!

The ELVES erupt into the dining room.

ELVES

Yea! Hooray!

JONATHAN

Gouda.

MRS. SANTA

Oh, you naughty scamps! Skat, skat!

The ELVES scamper back into the WORKSHOP between JONATHAN's legs. APRICOT, who is last, kicks HAPPY in the rear to make him hurry up. JONATHAN then turns and bonks his head on the top of the doorway on his way out.

SAM

By the way, where is Mr. Prune? I thought he'd be here by now.

SANTA

Probably waiting outside for us to start supper. I'll show you!

He stands near the outside door and directs his words at it.

SANTA

Well, Mother, is supper ready?!

MRS. SANTA

Piping hot and ready to serve.

SANTA

Psst! Mother, I repeat: Well, Mother, is dinner ready?!

MRS. SANTA

(shouting at the door)

Piping hot and ready to serve!

A loud KNOCKING is heard at the door.

SANTA

What did I tell you? He just loves to spoil our suppertime.

SAM

Well I'm ready for him if you are.

MRS. SANTA

Good luck, Sam dear.

4. Phineas T. Prune

MRS. SANTA OPENS the door to let in MR. PRUNE. He is wearing a top hat and holding a CANE.

SANTA

Come in, Mr. Prune. What a surprise.

PRUNE

Greetings. Heh-heh-heh-heh. From an old friend.

MRS. SANTA

Oh, Mr. Prune, you've done it again!

PRUNE

What? What have I done?

APRICOT peeks out of the workshop doors, then quickly slams them shut when he sees Mr. Prune. Mr. Prune glances at the doors.

MRS. SANTA

Gone out into this cold weather, without your galoshes! What you need, Mr. Prune, is someone to take care of you.

PRUNE

Nonsense! Poppycock!

MRS. SANTA

Ah, men are such children!

PRUNE

"Children"! Oh, that word! I feel faint. Madame, I shall hold you personally responsible if I have bad dreams tonight.

MRS. SANTA

Mr. Prune, isn't that rather childish...

PRUNE

Please! Please! Please! Have you ever tried to go to sleep counting children jumping over a fence? Yes, children. Children, kids! Children!

HURRAY takes a peek, then slams the doors. Prune looks at the closed doors.

PRUNE

I've been running away from children all my life...

LEMON takes a peek, then slams the doors. Prune still hasn't caught any of them looking at him. He sneaks up on the doors.

PRUNE

...from one country to another, and you can't escape them! The world is full of children!

INT. - SANTA'S WORKSHOP

Prune bursts through the doors and falls onto a pile of dolls and stuffed animals.

PRUNE

No!

(singing)

Life is just one great frustration,
When I see, all though the nation,
Children spoiled by adulation.
Why won't someone spoil me, too?

How I view with indignation
Doting parents' adoration
Of their children's conversation.
No one says I'm clever, too.

He gets up. The workshop doors close behind him.

INT. - SANTA'S DINING ROOM/KITCHEN

PRUNE

(singing)

It is really most upsetting
To see people always petting
Children who are always getting
In my hair.
They're everywhere.
It isn't fair.

For the next part of the song, Prune walks along the walls of the room, picking up framed pictures of children off of shelves and turning them around. On the back of each picture is a photograph of the child from the back.

PRUNE

(singing)

Kids get all the breaks!
They never do a thing,
But everybody always sings their praises.

Kids get all the breaks!
Oh, for heaven's sakes!
I'd rather they would all go to blazes!

Kids get all the breaks!
No matter what they say.
They're always told their eloquence amazes.

Kids get all the breaks!
Oh, the little fakes!
With "pretty please",
"Doo-doo",
"Goo-goo",
And all their silly phrases!

Since Mr. Prune is standing next to her, Mrs. Santa starts handing him the dinner dishes for him to put on the table. He hands them back, so she sets the table by herself.

PRUNE

(singing)

Kids lead a life of ease,
grown-ups tremble when they sneeze.
I tell you kids have got me in a stew!

Why don't they grow up,
And fend for themselves,
The way we grown-ups have to do.

Kids get all the breaks!
They're just a bunch of fakes.
Please understand, I know what I am saying.

Kids get all the breaks!
I say they're all mistakes!
For which we grown-ups have to keep on paying,
And paying, and paying!
The price the grown-ups have to keep on paying!

MRS. SANTA

Poor, poor Mr. Prune! You're all upset! Now, you sit down, and we'll have a nice cup of tea, to quiet your nerves.

Prune sits in a rocking chair in the corner of the room next to the outside door. He leans back so his back is against the wall.

PRUNE

Madame, I'll thank you to keep your kindness to yourself.

(grinning evilly)

Now then, to business. Have you got the money for the rent?

SANTA

But, Mr. Prune, it isn't time yet.

PRUNE

Don't quibble. Very well, then, when will you have the money?

SAM

Mr. Prune, I...

SANTA

Oh, this is Mr. Sam Whipple, our lawyer.

SAM

Ah, thank you, Santa. Now then, Mr. Prune...

SAM walks up to Mr. Prune.

PRUNE

Lawyer, eh? Never met a lawyer I couldn't handle.

SAM

Now see here, Mr. Prune...

PRUNE

Haven't I seen you around town? What's your name again? Riffle, Dripple, Whiffle, Phiffle...

SAM

Whipple! Now see here, Mr. Prune...

PRUNE

(pulls out a document)

You're wasting your time, sir. I've got my legal rights, I have. The North Pole belongs to me, lock, stock, barrel; full of bears, walruses, and ice. It's mine. Mine. I bought it. And Ordinance Number 614 of the Housing Code says, and I quote:

(stands)

"If tenants do not pay their rent money, landlords shall have the right to take possession of all their possessions in full payment." And furthermore...

SAM

And furthermore, Mr. Prune, you're going to sit right down in that chair, and listen for a change!

Sam pushes Mr. Prune back into the rocking chair. At that moment, the ELVES erupt out of the workshop, carrying stools. They put them down and sit in them, forming themselves into a jury.

ELVES

Hurrah!

MRS. SANTA

Shh!

Jonathan, the jury foreman, bangs a shelf of reversed photos with a toy hammer.

JONATHAN

Silence! Silence! Silence! Silence!

The ELVES quiet down and cross their arms to listen to testimony.

SAM

(addressing the elf jury)

Money, money, money--that's all this man seems to think about! Mr. Phineas T. Prune! Thinks money, talks money, eats money, smells money! Mr. Phineas middle-initial "T" Prune!

(addressing Mr. Prune)

That "T" wouldn't stand for "Tightwad" by any chance, would it?

PRUNE

(standing)

I object!

SAM

(pushing Mr. Prune back down)

Objection overruled!

ELVES

Hurrah!

JONATHAN

Silence! Silence! Silence!

SAM

Alright, Mr. Prune, what were you going to say?

PRUNE

You can't call me a tightwad! I am no miser! Money doesn't mean a thing to me. I just don't like to waste it, that's all. What are you driving at, anyway?

Sam walks over to Santa (seated) and Mrs. Santa (putting jam on bread). Mrs. Santa hands a slice to Santa.

SAM

Just this, Mr. Prune: If money means so little to you, then why insist that these dear, good, sweet people pay the rent, when you know they have no money? And, if you throw them out of this house, where will they go? What will they do? And if they catch cold, will that mean any more money in your pockets? No, Mr. Prune, I still insist, that "T" must stand for "Tightwad"!

PRUNE

No it doesn't.

ELVES

Yes it does!

JONATHAN has fallen asleep, and so fails to control his jury.

PRUNE

No it doesn't!

ELVES

Yes it does!

PRUNE

No it doesn't.

SAM

Very well, then, prove it!

PRUNE

Yes, but I must have time to think.

SAM

Take all the time you need!

Sam, who has been spending most of his interrogation in the classic lawyer posture of hands clasping his lapels, now opens his arms in a theatrical gesture. Mrs. Santa reacts by putting a slice of bread in the outstretched hand. Mr. Prune gets up and paces the room for a minute. He stops before the reversed pictures.

PRUNE

I've got it!

JONATHAN

(suddenly awakened)

Silence! Si...

ELVES

Shh!

PRUNE

Mr. Claus, I don't want you to think that I have anything against you, personally. Far from it. You've never harmed me, why should I want to harm you? And all for a few measly dollars! How ridiculous! Mr. Whipple's eloquence has touched me deeply.

(taps his chest)

Right here.

MRS. SANTA

Oh, what a sweet man you are.

PRUNE

Madame, I'll thank you to keep your complements to yourself! Now, where was I when I was so rudely interrupted?

SAM

(tapping his chest)

Something touched you...

(tapping his chest)

...here.

PRUNE

(tapping his chest)

Oh, yes. I'm deeply touched.

(tapping his chest)

Here. Therefore, I have decided that you do not have to pay me the rent. Not one, single, solitary penny.

ELVES

Hurray! Hurray!

PRUNE

But!

HURRAY

Hurray?

PRUNE

There is one condition, Mr. Claus.

SANTA

Name it, Mr. Prune, name it--it's done!

PRUNE

You must promise never again to give Christmas presents to children.

A shocked silence descends upon the room.

PRUNE

Well, now that's settled, I'll bid you all a good evening.

SANTA gets up and confronts Mr. Prune.

SANTA

Wait! Just a moment, Mr. Prune! I can't make that promise. I won't stop giving Christmas presents to children! I don't want to!

PRUNE

Then out into the freezing cold you will go. Come now, Mr. Claus, don't you think you are taking all this too seriously? You would give up this snug, warm, cosy little house, for children? Children! What do they ever give you in return?

SANTA

Love.

PRUNE

Bah!

SANTA

That's what Christmas is all about, Mr. Prune.

PRUNE

But you keep spoiling the brats. Giving, giving, giving!

SANTA

So that someday, Mr. Prune, they'll learn to give too.

PRUNE

Ah, poppycock! Bosh, twaddle, and bah!

(addressing SAM)

Well, you are his lawyer, tell him he's a stubborn, old fool!

SAM

But I happen to disagree. I think he's kind of nice. But as for you, Mr. Prune, I think are just about the meanest man I have ever met!

PRUNE

Do you really? Oh, thank you, thank you very much, indeed. It's really kind of you to say so. I pride myself on my meanness.

5. Glad I'm Bad

MR. PRUNE, SAM, SANTA and MRS. SANTA all sit down at the dining room table.

PRUNE

(singing)

Oh, I am good, I'm very good,
I'm good at being bad!
Don't be surprised, just realize,
All the practice I have had!

I suppose I could be very good,
But that would make me sad!
Right from the first
I've been the worst,
A super-naughty lad!

SAM and the SANTAs

(singing)

How bad!

PRUNE

(singing)

So bad!

SAM and the SANTAs

(singing)

Not good!

PRUNE

(singing)

Just bad!

SAM and the SANTAs

(singing)

How sad!

PRUNE

(singing)

I'm glad, I'm glad you're sad
I'm bad!

MR. PRUNE STANDS and starts circling the table.

I'm glad you're here,
So glad to have some company.
It's sad but I am scared to be alone with me.

When I look into a mirror,
I just cover my eyes--
I can't stand the sight of me.

SAM and the SANTAs

(singing)

How bad!

PRUNE

(singing)

So bad!

SAM and the SANTAs

(singing)

Not good!

PRUNE

(singing)

Just bad!

SAM and the SANTAs

(singing)

How sad!

PRUNE

(singing)

I'm glad, I'm glad you're sad
I'm bad!

PRUNE sits.

SAM

Bad?

PRUNE

Who?

SANTA

You.

PRUNE

True.

MRS. SANTA

Sad.

PRUNE

Glad.

(singing)

I'm glad, I'm glad, I am bad!

And now Prune starts eating his bread.

MRS. SANTA

Please Mr. Prune, don't take Christmas away from us! Think of what this will do to the children! It will break their hearts!

PRUNE

Good. Good!

MRS. SANTA

Mr. Prune, weren't you ever a child yourself?

Prune chokes on his bread.

PRUNE

Really! I didn't come to this house to be insulted!

He gets up.

SAM

I'm sorry Mr. Prune, but it's time we faced facts! You must have been a child!

SAM stands and confronts Mr. Prune.

PRUNE

Please!

SAM

Don't you see, you just had to be a child?

PRUNE

Never!

ELVES

Never! Never!

PRUNE

Never, never! Never! Never!!!

The Elves shut up. Prune is at the front door.

PRUNE

Well, prove it! I dare you to prove it! Nobody can prove it! And now I think I've wasted enough valuable time. Either you have the money by midnight, December 24th, or no Christmas!

EXT. - SANTA'S COTTAGE

MR. PRUNE exits the cottage, then turns and shakes his CANE at the door. He strides to Santa's SLEIGH and STRIKES it with the cane, causing the cane to BREAK. He shakes the broken cane at the cottage and then attempts to lean on the cane before exiting the scene.

INT. - SANTA'S DINING ROOM/KITCHEN

The ELVES look pretty glum. Sam sits down.

MRS. SANTA

I wonder why that poor man wouldn't admit he ever was a child.

SAM

Yes, that did seem funny. Wait a minute. I think you've got something there, Mrs. Santa. Mr. Prune is hiding something! But what? Now, if we could only prove that he was a child once, I've got a hunch we could make him see things differently! But how could we do that?

SANTA

Wait a minute! Maybe I can help. You know of course I keep a record of every child that ever was. Why didn't I think of that before! Jonathan!

JONATHAN

Yes, Santa?

SANTA

Can you remember anything about a child named Phineas Prune?

JONATHAN

Prune? Phineas Prune? Hm...

(gestures at the door)

Oh--him! Hm, no.

MRS. SANTA

Phineas T. Prune. Does that help?

JONATHAN

Hm...Prune, Phineas T. Prune? Doesn't strike a spark somehow.

SANTA

(getting up)

Well, you look him up in your records. There can't be too many Prunes in this world.

JONATHAN

How do you spell it?

SANTA

P-R-U-N-E.

JONATHAN

That's what I thought: Prune! All right men, let's get the books down, and look for "Prune".

INT. - SANTA'S WORKSHOP

ELVES

Hurrah! Hurrah! Look out!

The ELVES take their chairs into the workshop and put them against the far wall, which is lined with shelves of thick books. Some start climbing up the shelves and lowering books down to the others. Jonathan sits at his desk and looks through the books located there.

JONATHAN

(singing)

If Christmas came in June,
We'd say, "Good afternoon!"
We don't care if it all makes sense, The name of the song is "Prune"!

SAM, SANTA and MRS. SANTA stand in the doorway and laugh at the elves. Little people, competently doing their jobs--hysterical!

JONATHAN

(singing)

Prune, Prune, Prune, Prune,
Prune, spoon, moon, June.
Prune, Prune, Prune, spoon.

APRICOT

"Apricot"?

JONATHAN

No, "Prune"!

(singing)

We had a pet racoon,
Ate donuts with a spoon.
We don't care if it all makes sense, The name of the song is "Prune"!

Prune, Prune, Prune, Prune,
Prune, spoon, moon, June.
Prune, Prune, Prune, spoon.

LEMON

"Lemon?"

JONATHAN

No, "Prune"!

(singing)

There was a big baboon,
Who never sang in tune.
We don't care if it all makes sense, The name of the song is "Prune"!

Prune, Prune, Prune, Prune,
Croon, spoon, moon, June.
Prune, Prune, Prune, spoon.

CRABAPPLE

"Crabapple?"

JONATHAN

No, "Prune"!

(singing)

We blew up a balloon,
It turned into the moon.
We don't care if it all makes sense, The name of the song is "Prune"!

Prune, Prune, Prune, Prune,
Prune, spoon, moon, June.
Prune, Prune, Prune, spoon.

SPINACH

"Spinach?"

JONATHAN

No, I told you, "Prune"! Prune, Prune, Prune, Prune, Prune, Prune!

INT. - SANTA'S DINING ROOM/KITCHEN

SAM, SANTA and MRS. SANTA leave the elves to their work.

SAM

Now you mustn't get your hopes up too high. It may take Jonathan days, weeks, even months to find anything. And even if he does, it may not do any good. So I figured out a plan which may just do the trick!

Sam puts on his coat and hat, then helps Santa into his coat and hat.

SAM

Santa, you and I are going to go to work! We're going to find us a job, and earn the money to pay the rent! Come on!

SAM and SANTA EXIT through the front door. MRS. SANTA calls to the elves.

MRS. SANTA

Keep working! I'll get some tea for you.

(to herself)

A job? Who would ever hire Santa Claus?

6. A New Job

EXT./INT. - PRUNE'S POV - PRIM'S DEPARTMENT STORE - DAY

It is early morning, and the store hasn't opened yet. The view is through the store window onto the floor. MR. PRIM is sitting at his DESK, SAM is standing at the desk talking to him MOS and SANTA (in street clothes) is standing behind Sam. Next to the desk is the counter, behind which two SALESWOMEN are stocking the shelves. Past that is a doorway leading to the stockroom. On the other side of the store is a stairway leading to an open passageway on the second floor, with a door in the back.

Sam gestures at Santa. Prim shakes his head.

REVERSE POV

PRUNE peeks into the window, his face covered by a NEWSPAPER.

SAM (O.S.)

--are looking for a job--

PRIM (O.S.)

I'm sorry, young man, but there are no positions available at this time.

Prune lowers the newspaper and watches intently.

SAM (O.S.)

But sir, won't you let me explain? You see, I have--

PRUNE'S POV

Prim stands, towering over Sam, and lectures him MOS, then sits and shakes his head.

REVERSE POV

Prune smiles as he realizes what is happening.

PRIM (O.S.)

No!

SAM (O.S.)

But sir, you don't understand. My friend and I--

REVERSE POV

Prim stands again, and Sam shrinks down. Prim grabs his lapel, pulls him up, and lectures him MOS.

PRUNE'S POV

Prune celebrates.

PRIM (O.S.)

--now stay out and don't come back!

Prune exits.

INT. - PRIM'S DEPARTMENT STORE

SAM

No, Mr. Prim, I'm not going to let you miss the opportunity of a lifetime, it wouldn't be fair to you! Please, please give me one moment, just one little moment.

PRIM

All right, but hurry.

Sam removes Santa's overcoat (revealing his red suit), then his plain hat.

PRIM

Oh, my!

Sam puts Santa's red hat on his head, then spruces up his beard.

PRIM

Turn around, turn around, my good man.

At Sam's urging, Santa turns around.

PRIM

(standing)

That's right!

SANTA

(to Sam)

I don't understand.

SAM

(whispering)

Let me do the talking.

PRIM

(approaching Santa)

It's remarkable. It's truly remarkable. Why he looks just like Santa Claus!

(examines Santa's beard)

Your own?

SANTA

But I am Santa--

SAM

(interrupting)

Yes, it is a remarkable coincidence. Isn't it Mr. Prim?

PRIM

Incredible. Congratulations, my dear man, you're hired!

SANTA

But Sam, I still don't
understand....

SAM

Ah, ah. Oh, this is Mr. Prim. He owns this department store: Prim's Department Store.

PRIM

(shaking Santa's hand)

How do you do, sir?

SAM

(holding his hand out to be shaken)

And my name is Sam Whipple.

Prim ignores Sam and stands behind his desk, then strides behind the counter between the saleswomen repairing toys (Saleswoman #2 is repairing the very toy Sam will break in Scene 7). Sam and Santa follow, ending up in front of the counter.

PRIM

Yes, yes, of course. Let me see... Now if I understand this plan correctly, if the parents wish their children to meet Santa Claus, they're to bring them here to Prim's Department Store. A mild deception, of course, since we know there really is no Santa Claus.

SANTA

What!

PRIM

My dear young man, your idea is positively revolutionary! Why, if it works, if it works! Our toy department will sell more toys than all the other stores put together! And, this gentleman, "Santa". I hope you don't mind my calling you that?

SANTA

Well of course not. I am Santa!

Prim takes Sam aside.

PRIM

Is he going to be all right? I mean to say, he really seems to be suffering from some sort of hallucination!

SAM

No, he's just "living the part", you might say.

PRIM

Oh, an unemployed actor!

Prim rounds the counter to address Santa.

PRIM

Well, as I was saying, you, sir, will be sitting on a throne. (Oh, we'll get something from somewhere.) and then you will speak to the children. Yes? And you'll ask them their age, and so on.

SANTA

You mean you call that a job? Just being myself?

SAM

That's right, Santa. And you get paid for it, too.

SANTA

Enough to pay the rent?

SAM

Well, no. But perhaps Mr. Prim can find a job for me, too, and between us we can make enough to pay the rent.

SANTA

Is he going to make you president of the store?

Prim presents Sam with a FEATHER DUSTER.

PRIM

No, janitor.

SAM

Janitor?

PRIM

That's right, my boy. "Start at the bottom", that's my motto. Now, how shall I make my spectacular announcement?

Prim SNAPS his fingers

PRIM

I've got it!

EXT. - PRIM'S DEPARTMENT STORE

A large SIGN reading "MEET SANTA CLAUS IN PERSON AT" is suspended in front of the entrance to the store. SAM and SANTA are looking at it. Sam is holding a BROOM, and Santa is in costume.

PRIM (O.S.)

Alright, men, haul it up! Heave! Heave!

The sign is raised until it is above the "PRIM'S DEPARTMENT STORE" sign at the top of the building. Pedestrians gawk at the sign as they walk by. PRIM looks up at the sign in admiration.

PRIM

(to Sam and Santa)

I can hardly wait to see Mr. Macy's face when he sees that! As a matter of fact, I think I'll run over and tell him right now!

Prim gestures at Sam and Santa to stop standing there.

PRIM

Alright, gentlemen, "busy little bees"! "Busy little bees"!

Sam starts sweeping the walk and Santa gets out of the way. As Prim walks away from the store, he is passed by SALESWOMAN #1.

PRIM

Good morning.

SALESWOMAN #1

Morning.

Saleswoman #1 continues past into the store.

JOE, a salesman, approaches Prim, then looks embarrassed.

PRIM

Late, as usual.

JOE

Sorry, Mr. Prim.

Joe continues past Prim to the store entrance.

INT. - PRIM'S DEPARTMENT STORE

The back of the store has been set up for Santa. There are two Christmas trees with space between them for Santa to sit, although there's no chair there yet. Behind this spot is a banner reading "MEET SANTA CLAUS".

Sam and Santa are visible through the open doors. Joe passes them on the way in.

JOE

Morning.

SAM

Morning.

Sam checks his POCKET WATCH.

SAM

Come on, Santa, we better get to work!

Sam and Santa enter the store. They watch as two MEN carry a red THRONE and FOOTSTOOL in from the back and set them down between the two trees.

SAM

(standing behind the throne)

Look, your throne has come! You'd better practice before the kids come rushing in.

SANTA

Practice? Me, practice? Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Santa takes the stool off of the chair and sets it down, then sits down in the throne.

SANTA

I know children like a book. I've lost count of all the children I've seen fast asleep in their beds. The funny little smile on their faces when they're dreaming. The way they curl themselves around a pillow. The way they sing to themselves.

SAM

But, Santa! These children aren't going to be asleep! They'll be wide awake!

SANTA

(shocked)

Awake?

SAM

Why, Santa, what's the matter?

SANTA

Awake.

(beat)

Awake, did you say?

SAM

Santa, you're blushing!

SANTA

You see, the fact of the matter is, in all my years, I've never seen one single child wide awake. They've always been fast asleep!

SAM

Well, what do you know?

SANTA

7. Toys, Toys, Toys!

Sam starts dusting some toys. Santa gasps for breath O.S. The two keep laughing until Sam trips over a TOY and crushes it. He sits down on the ground to examine it. It's a drummer on wheels.

SAM

Oh, dear! I hope I haven't broken it! This would be a fine time to lose my job!

Santa sits beside him and takes the toy.

SANTA

Here, you better let me handle this! There's nothing about toys that I don't know!

He makes some adjustments.

SANTA

That's it!

Santa gets up and pulls the toy along the ground to make sure it works. Reaching the window display, he picks up the toy and adds it to the display

SANTA

Say! Mr. Prim has quite a respectable collection of toys here! You don't suppose he'd mind if I tried a few of them?

From the display, Santa removes a wind-up pony express. He winds it up and lets it go the clatter across the floor. It stops at Sam's feet and he laughs as he picks it up. Santa presents Saleswoman #1 with a stuffed duckling. Sam continues laughing as he rides a miniscule rocking polar bear before leaping off of it. He takes a wind-up Conestoga wagon toy out of its box and winds it up. Santa takes a wind-up car and the pony express off of the counter and puts them on the floor. Sam releases the wagon and picks up a wind-up locomotive. Santa on the ground releases the pony express. Saleswoman #2 watches on, bemused. Several more toys, all of the wind-up variety, are soon scooting across the floor between the two happy men. A trolley toy rings its bell. Finally, Sam releases a wind-up crawling baby and Santa releases a wind-up walking dog. The two toys come together in what looks like a kiss.

A crowd of children and their mothers (with the occasional father) has gathered outside, waiting for the store to open. A rich girl named SUZY looks in through the window, her MOTHER standing beside her. Suzy does not appear amused, and neither is her mother. The mother briskly ushers her daughter to the open door and attempt to enter the store.

JOE

Just a moment, please.

MOTHER

Yes.

Sam and Santa look up from their position on the ground and notice the crowd. Suzy looks up at her mother in disapproval.

SUZY

Grown-ups playing with toys!

MOTHER

Well, that's not the sort of service I expected at Prim's Department Store!

Santa and Sam, looking like a couple of guilty schoolkids, scramble to pick up all of the toys and put them away. The two Saleswomen and Joe hurry in to help. The crowd waits, several of the children smiling.

Sam, standing beside the throne, buttons up his smock.

SAM

Come on, Santa, let's go to work!

He helps Santa to sit on the throne.

Joe gestures that the crowd may now enter.

JOE

Please.

The crowd rushes past him to Santa, the children shouting and pushing to the front. Suzy, at the front of the line, now proceeds to demonstrate how a child should interact with a store Santa.

SUZY

Momma, it's really Santa Claus!

SAM

(prompting)

"And how are you... "

SANTA

And how are you, my girl?

SUZY

I'm fine, Santa. Don't you know my name?

SANTA

Of course. Let me see, now. Your name is Suzy.

SUZY

Momma! He knows my name!

She reaches forward and lightly tugs on Santa's beard.

MOTHER

Darling, darling, don't pull the gentleman's beard! It might come off!

SUZY

Oh no, mamma, it's real!

Well, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

MOTHER

(asking Sam)

Oh, may I?

SAM

Please.

Having gotten permission from the beard wrangler, Suzy's Mother reaches forward and tugs on Santa's beard. She then proceeds to demonstrate how the mother of a child who believes in Santa Claus should act around a store Santa.

MOTHER

Ah, imagine Mr. Prim going to all that trouble, to find an old man with a real beard. I declare!

She grabs Suzy's outstretched hand (before the scripted interview with Santa has been completed) and leads her to the counter, Sam following.

MOTHER

Really, what will they think of next! Santa Claus, in a department store!

She presents Suzy with a stuffed pink bear, but Suzy (still with a wide grin on her face from meeting Santa) shakes her head, and the toy is put back on the counter.

MOTHER

Well, of course you realize, this can only happen in a large city.

They walk a bit along the counter, then the mother presents Suzy with a stuffed green and white poodle. The girl again shakes her head, and the toy is replaced. The mother has spent the entire conversation looking only at Sam.

MOTHER

Now, we come from a small town, and I keep telling my husband....

EXT. - OUTSIDE PRIM'S DEPARTMENT STORE

A spyglass peaks out from around the corner of a building. PRUNE puts the spyglass to his eye.

INT. - PRIM'S DEPARTMENT STORE

Suzy's Mother puts back a stuffed rooster that Suzy has just rejected.

MOTHER

... But just you wait until I tell him about this!

Having reached the end of the counter, the group of Suzy, her mother and Sam walk over to the base of the staircase, where Santa is standing with a stuffed hydroencephalitic reindeer.

MOTHER

A real, honest-to-goodness Santa Claus, and in a department store!

Santa kneels down, hugs Suzy, and gives her the toy.

SUZY

(to her mother)

This is what I want!

She kisses Santa on the cheek.

MOTHER (O.S.)

My dear sir, you certainly do understand children.

The mother quickly leads the child out of the store. I can only assume she has an account with the store. Otherwise, she is guilty of stealing an ugly toy.

8. The Plan

INT. PRUNE'S MANSION - NIGHT

PRUNE is shouting into the camera.

PRUNE

Blossom!! Blossom!!!

Prune lives in a mansion decorated out of the Nineteenth, if not the Eighteenth Century. A day calendar on the wall shows the date to be December 11th. Everything in the room is covered with dust and cobwebs. Prune strides over to a CHAIR besides the FIREPLACE and sits down.

BLOSSOM, as dusty as the furnishings and with hair that looks electrified, enters the room behind the chair, walks to its left side and leans over to receive his orders.

PRUNE

(yelling to the right)

Blossom!

Blossom walks behind the chair to the right.

PRUNE

(yelling to the left)

Blossom!

Blossom remains where he is. Prune turns to his right, discovers a dusty shirt, and follows it upwards with his eyes.

PRUNE

Blossom?

BLOSSOM

Yes, sir?

Prune stands and puts his face as close to Blossom's as possible.

PRUNE

Blossom, do you know what he's done?

BLOSSOM

Who, sir?

PRUNE

Santa Claus, you fool! Do you know what he's done?

BLOSSOM

Not until you tell me, sir.

PRUNE

He's found a job!

BLOSSOM

Doing what, sir?

PRUNE

Making children happy!

BLOSSOM

Oh! Horrible, sir.

Prune walks back and forth.

PRUNE

Blossom! I must think. I must think. I must think. I must think.

BLOSSOM

Don't you think you ought to leave that sort of thing to me, sir?

PRUNE

Blossom, I am perfectly capable of thinking for myself. Where is my book?

He finds an old BOOK and picks it up. He sits down satisfied and starts paging through it. Blossom walks over to stand beside him.

PRUNE

Mm.

Prune rips out a PAGE of the book and hands it to Blossom. The butler receives the page disdainfully.

PRUNE

Mm.

Prune rips out another PAGE and hands it to Blossom. He doesn't like this one, either.

PRUNE

Hmm.

Prune hands over a third PAGE. Blossom rolls his eyes, then shakes his head. Prune grabs the pages from Blossom's hand, strides over to the fireplace, and throws the pages in.

PRUNE

But Blossom, he must be stopped!

BLOSSOM

Calmly does it, sir.

PRUNE

If he makes enough money to pay the rent, I'm ruined! I am ruined!

Prune throws down the book to the ground and crosses to a STEP leading to his extremely dusty BED, where he proceeds to sob O.S.

Blossom goes to a CABINET, opens it, and removes a medicine BOTTLE and a large SPOON.

BLOSSOM

Here, sir. A sip of this will soothe your nerves.

Blossom approaches Prune and holds out the opened bottle and spoon.

BLOSSOM

Please.

PRUNE

No.

BLOSSOM

Please, sir.

PRUNE

No.

BLOSSOM

Please, sir.

PRUNE

(moaning)

No!

BLOSSOM

(pouring the medicine)

Sir!

PRUNE

No!

Blossom pours the medicine between Prune's lips.

PRUNE

But it... gah!

He gets up and sits on the bed, breaking the cobwebs.

PRUNE

How can you be so calm?

He falls back onto the bed. Blossom walks next to the bed and kneels down, pouring more medicine into the spoon.

BLOSSOM

Because I have a plan, sir.

Prune sits up and leans forward. Blossom whispers something in his ear, simultaneously giving him some medicine. Blossom gets more medicine, whispers some more, and gives the medicine to Prune. Prune smiles. Prune willingly takes another dose to hear another snippet.

PRUNE

(slapping his knee)

Good! Good! Good!

(taking more medicine)

Good!

He grabs the bottle and takes a swig.

INT. - PRIM'S DEPARTMENT STORE - DAY

A BOY IN A TWEED COAT is hugging SANTA, who's sitting in his THRONE. Pay close attention to this boy, as he will soon save Christmas. The boy gets up and EXITS, to be replaced by another BOY.

SAM blows up a BALLOON on a stick. A third BOY watches, his fingers in his ears, while his MOTHER watches. Behind the counter, SALESWOMAN #2 organizes some more balloons. Sam gives one of her balloons to the boy; boy and mother EXIT. Apparently, it takes longer to inflate a balloon than the average parent can wait.

THE THRONE

Santa hugs a BROTHER and SISTER.

INT./EXT. - STORE

Behind the two siblings a LINE OF CHILDREN AND THEIR PARENTS stretches all the way out the door. In this line sits PRUNE in a tiny little CHAIR. He is wearing a pair of dark glasses and holding his new CANE with both hands near his chin. Behind Prune are two BROTHERS: the front one has a black eye, and the other one is giving Prune a surly look.

SURLY BROTHER

(sticking out his tongue)

Bleh!

Prune removes his glasses to glare at the boy.

PRUNE

Meh!

SURLY BROTHER

(sticking out his tongue)

Bleh!

The Surly Brother steps forward to confront Prune. Prune stands up.

PRUNE

Blossom!

BLOSSOM approaches Prune.

BLOSSOM

Yes, sir?

PRUNE

The chair!

Blossom bends down and picks up the chair. Prune leans forward into the face of the Surly Brother.

PRUNE

(sticking out his tongue)

Meh!

Surly Brother kicks Prune in the shin.

PRUNE

Ah! Ooh! Ow!

Prune starts to walk away, and Surly Brother makes a lunge for him.

PRUNE

Blossom!

Without breaking eye contact with Prune, Blossom reaches out an arm and easily stops Surly Brother in his tracks. Unsurprisingly, Surly Brother's parents (who are presumably behind him) have done nothing while all this is going on.

EXT./INT. - STORE

Prune leads Blossom (holding the chair) down the line until they reach the door. Prune leans back toward Blossom in confusion, until Blossom WHISPERS in his ear, then he nods his head. The pair leave the line just inside the door, and duck down behind a large stuffed ELEPHANT.

THRONE to COUNTER

They watch as Santa hugs a GIRL. The girl's MOTHER picks her up and walks over to Sam, who blows up a BALLOON for her.

ELEPHANT

Prune pulls out a PEA SHOOTER and inserts a BB given him by Blossom, then blows.

INSERT - WOMAN

A RED-HAIRED WOMAN raises her hand to her stung neck, then looks around for the culprit.

BACK TO SCENE

Prune and Blossom quickly duck down.

COUNTER

Sam continues to blow the same balloon, but hands a completely-inflated balloon to the girl. She and her mother EXIT.

ELEPHANT

Blossom gets behind Prune and grabs his hands, attempting to aim the pea shooter for him.

PRUNE

(whispering)

Ready?

PRUNE

(whispering)

Yes, sir.

Prune blows.

INSERT - SAM'S FINALLY BLOWN UP A BALLOON,

which suddenly POPS.

BACK TO SCENE

With triumphant looks on their faces, Prune and Blossom duck down.

COUNTER

Sam looks down at his popped balloon for a beat, then pulls an empty balloon out of his pocket and starts inflating that, simultaneously reaching back and grabbing a balloon passed by Saleswoman #2 to hand to the BOY and his MOTHER that are standing before him.

BALCONY

Blossom and Prune stand on the balcony; they have apparently figured out that Sam's balloon serves no purpose whatsoever. Blossom points down, and Prune looks.

THRONE, SEEN FROM ABOVE (PRUNE'S POV)

Santa welcomes a BOY IN A TAN COAT.

BALCONY

Blossom produces a SQUEEZE BULB. He SQUEEZES it, causing a white POWDER to be released into the air. At Prune's direction, he squeezes it a second time, then stops.

THRONE, SEEN FROM ABOVE (PRUNE'S POV)

As the powder drifts down, the Boy gets itchy, and then scratchy.

BALCONY

Prune celebrates.

LINE, SEEN FROM ABOVE (PRUNE'S POV)

Focus on the Boy in the Tweed Coat (he must have thought of even more toys to ask Santa for), his arms crossed and looking right at the camera. He knows!

BALCONY

Prune, nervous, grabs Blossom's squeezing hand and aims it, hoping to hit Santa, then leans forward to observe the result.

Blossom's eye wanders in the direction of the counter ("What kind of lawyer can't even blow up a balloon?" he probably is wondering), and as a result, he squeezes the itching powder into Prune's neck, repeatedly.

Prune grabs Blossom's squeezing hand in agony to make him stop, and then the scratching begins.

THRONE

Santa continues doing his job. Rising up behind him is Prune, wearing a RASPUTIN DISGUISE (plastic glasses with bushy eyebrows, booze-enlarged nose, and huge mustache and beard all attached), evidently to induce nightmares or conniptions in the mind of the BOY IN A CHECKERED COAT who is sitting in Santa's lap. The boy's smile fades on seeing the monstrosity before him. Prune/Rasputin expresses his hatred of the Romanov dynasty. The boy laughs. Prune, confused at how his masterful plan failed, ducks back down.

INSERT - THE BOY IN THE TWEED COAT

Our Boy-hero has seen all, and re-crosses his arms in disgust.

UNDER THE THRONE

Prune and Blossom are prone on the ground. Prune slides an immense STICK OF DYNAMITE under the chair and between Santa's legs. The legs of the Boy in the Checkered Coat are visible as he EXITS. Blossom produces a box of matches, and LIGHTS a MATCH, which he hands to Prune.

LINE SEEN FROM BETWEEN SANTA'S LEGS (PRUNE'S POV)

The Boy in the Tweed Coat, his arms still heroically crossed, kneels down so that he can see Prune and Blossom.

UNDER THE THRONE (REVERSE POV)

Prune has the lit match next to the FUSE of the dynamite. He tries to gain the boy's sympathy with a pathetic look, but just then the match BURNS his fingers, and he drops it.

LINE SEEN FROM BETWEEN SANTA'S LEGS (PRUNE'S POV)

The boy WAVES his finger back and forth. Either Prune's being naughty, or he's just been blessed. He then dramatically GESTURES them to "Begone!"

UNDER THE THRONE (REVERSE POV)

Prune grabs the dynamite and EXITS with Blossom. See, I told you that boy would save Christmas!

INT. - PRUNE'S MANSION - NIGHT

BLOSSOM is leaning back in Prune's chair in a rigid posture that makes him look like discarded lumber. PRUNE grabs him by the NECKTIE, pulls him forward, and puts a cushion behind his head before releasing him. Blossom puts a finger to his head.

PRUNE

Think of something. Think of something! Think of something! Think of something! Think of something! Think of something!

Blossom gets more and more confident, until he holds a finger aloft, then reconsiders and lowers it.

PRUNE

I'll think of something, think of something, think of something, think of something, think of something, think of something!

Prune suddenly looks inspired.

BLOSSOM

What, sir?

Prune starts to plot out his plan with a finger, but the plan falls apart and he lowers it.

PRUNE

Nah.

BLOSSOM

(suddenly inspired)

I've thought of something, thought of something, thought of something, thought of something.

As he speaks, he leans further and further forward, until his lips are at Prune's ear. He whispers his plan into his master's ear.

PRUNE

Yes. That is something. That's something, that's something, that's something, that's something, that's something!

INT. - PRIM'S DEPARTMENT STORE - DAY

SAM holds an ornate CLOCK in one hand, and a FEATHER DUSTER in the other. He moves the duster in time with the TICKING of the clock (actually a musical introduction). He puts the clock up on a shelf behind the counter. Manning the register is SALESWOMAN #1, and on a post next to her is a day CALENDAR, showing the date as December 16th. Leaning against the post is a BROOM.

SAM

(singing to SALESWOMAN #1)

The clock keeps ticking
away the hours,
Four and twenty hours every day.
My heart keeps adding up
all the hours.
How much longer can it be
'till Christmas day?

Sam grabs the broom and starts sweeping the floor in front of the counter as he continues singing. He passes SALESWOMAN #2, who is wrapping presents for various FAMILIES, and JOE, who's restocking the shelves behind her.

SAM

(singing)

Got no time to be sorry,
got no time to be sad.
Now's the time to be jolly:
Christmas comes,
and you've got to be glad!

Sam strides over to SANTA, and playfully dusts him. He then turns and dusts along the line of children, kneeling down and singing to them. An occasional INSERT of the Balcony shows PRIM watching the scene with a smile on his face.

SAM

(singing)

Christmas 'round the corner--
hey, get busy!
Paint a smile upon that sour face.
Practice grinning
'till your head turns dizzy,
Or on Christmas day
you will feel out of place.

Sam sweeps his way part-way up the stairs, then he turns and starts TOSSING the TOYS he finds on the bannisters down to the parents and children.

SAM

(singing)

That's the time to be jolly,
that's the time to be gay.
Not the time to be grumpy,
When that time is Christmas day.

BALCONY

The head of Prune's CANE catches Prim by the neck and DRAGS him to a CURTAIN. From the curtain Prune's HAND pats Prim on the shoulder while Prune apparently says something to Prim MOS. Prim NODS in agreement.

SAM

(singing O.S.)

I just think of Christmas,
and I grow ecstatic.
I can hardly wait
for it to come along.
My heart keeps jumping,
gets so acrobatic.
And to while the time away,
let's sing this song:

FRONT OF STORE

Starting in front of the elephant, Sam sweeps across the front of the store, ending at the calendar.

SAM

(singing)

Got no time to be sorry,
got no time to be sad.
Now's the time to be jolly:
Christmas comes,
and you've got to be glad!

INSERT - CALENDAR

Sam TEARS off each of the days from December 16th to the 21st, leaving the 21st in his hand.

SAM

(singing)

Christmas comes,
and you've got to be glad!

He runs to the store entrance, puts the calendar page on the ground, and SWEEPS it out the door.

SAM

(singing)

You've got to be glad!

EXT. - PRIM'S DEPARTMENT STORE

Sam welcomes additional families into the store.

9. One More Day

INT. - PRIM'S DEPARTMENT STORE - DAY

SANTA'S THRONE FROM ABOVE

There is a throng of happy children (including BOY IN A TWEED COAT--what does he want now? a reward for saving Christmas?) around SANTA. Santa releases a helium balloon, which floats out of sight. Next to him, SAM is once again attempting to inflate a balloon.

BACK TO SCENE

Sam gives up on the balloon and approaches Santa.

SAM

Well, Santa, December 23rd. Just one more day to go, and you and Mrs. Santa will have enough money to pay the rent!

Santa laughs.

SAM

And, Merry Christmas to you, too, Mr. Prune, wherever you are.

SANTA

You know Sam, speaking of Mr. Prune, I wonder if Jonathan found his name anywhere? It must be somewhere in one of those books.

INT. - SANTA'S WORKSHOP

JONATHAN'S DESK can be seen, but not JONATHAN. His SNORING can be heard, however. MRS. SANTA approaches the desk with a tray holding two CUPS of tea. She looks down to find Jonathan asleep with a book in his lap.

MRS. SANTA

Jonathan?

JONATHAN

(still asleep)

Hm?

MRS. SANTA

Jonathan!

JONATHAN

(waking up)

Pickles! Popcorn!

MRS. SANTA

Tea.

JONATHAN

Oh.

Jonathan takes the cup Mrs. Santa offers him.

MRS. SANTA

Have you found it yet?

JONATHAN

I'm sorry, Mrs. Santa. We looked through every single book, but still no sign of a Prune.

MRS. SANTA

Then you'll have to start all over again. It must be somewhere.

Mrs. Santa gets up and walks around the desk, revealing the ELVES all just waking up and books and papers everywhere. Mrs. Santa addresses the elves.

MRS. SANTA

Do you now realize it is now December 24th? It's Christmas Eve! You must find it! Nothing must stop Christmas from coming!

ELVES

But we're sleepy!

MRS. SANTA

No sleep until you find that name. Now come on, everybody! Prune, Prune,...

ELVES

(as they get back to work)

Prune, Prune,...

INT. - PRUNE'S DEPARTMENT STORE - NIGHT

It's closing time, and SANTA is helping to stack some BOXES. SAM stands at the store entrance and checks his pocket watch. JOE walks past them to the door.

SANTA

Good night, Joe.

JOE

Good night.

SAM

Good night, Joe. Merry Christmas.

JOE

Merry Christmas, Sam.

Joe EXITS the movie, and SAM closes the doors behind him, then turns to congratulate Santa.

SAM

Well, Santa, we've done it, we've done it, we've done it! And as soon as Mr. Prim pays us, we'll be off!

SANTA

Well, Sam, while we're waiting, let's tidy up the place a bit.

SAM

Good idea!

Sam starts picking up a STACK OF BOXES located next to a TABLE, but a CANE Sam doesn't see pokes the boxes from under the table, causing them to fall.

SAM

Now how'd I do that?

SANTA

(joking)

Spooks!

Santa puts a STACK OF BOXES onto a SHELF behind the counter, but it suddenly falls off.

SAM

(stacking boxes)

More spooks, I guess.

The cane taps the boxes, causing them to fall and spill open.

As Sam and Santa watch, toys start falling down from the shelves.

SANTA

Sam, what's going on?

The cane shoves a pile of boxes on the counter, causing them to fly into the air and spill toys in all directions.

TOP OF STAIRS

PRUNE

My, my, my. Aren't we the industrious ones.

BOTTOM OF STAIRS (PRUNE'S POV)

SAM

Mr. Prune! What are you doing in Prim's Department Store?

TOP OF STAIRS

Prune descends the stairs.

PRUNE

Correction! You mean Prune's department store, don't you? Prune! P-R-U-N-E!

Prune surveys the floor of broken toys.

PRUNE

Tsk-tsk. Oh! All those dear little toys broken. Mr. Claus, one would think you'd never handled toys before!

Prune sits down on the THRONE.

PRUNE

Now let me see.... "Your name is Billy." Ha, ha, ha.

BLOSSOM emerges from behind the throne and hands Prune his cane.

PRUNE

"And have you been a good little boy?" Ha, ha, ha. "And how are you, my little girl?" Ha, ha, ha.

BLOSSOM

(whispering into Prune's ear)

"And what would you like--"

PRUNE

Oh! "And what would you like for Christmas"! Ha, ha, ha, ha!

SAM

Just a moment. Did you say *your* department store?

PRUNE

As of 6 o'clock this evening, it became mine. All mine. Signed, sealed and delivered. And now, it is my great pleasure to announce: You are fired!

SAM

Wait a minute! What about our pay? You're not going to try to get out of that, are you?

PRUNE

My dear young man, how can you even suggest such a thing? Of course not! No, what's right is right. Blossom!

Blossom removes a large sum of MONEY from a WALLET and hands some to Santa, then does the same for Sam.

SANTA

Oh, thank you, Mr. Prune. I'm afraid we've mis-judged you.

SAM

(handing his pay to Santa)

All right, now, Santa. Pay him the rent.

PRUNE

Please, please, just one moment.

Prune gets up and walks into the middle of the mess.

PRUNE

What about these toys? I'm not blaming you. Of course I realize it was an accident.

He picks up one of the BROKEN TOYS.

PRUNE

But look at my side! I've been fair with you, I've paid you. Now in turn you must respect my rights.

He pulls some PAPERWORK out of his coat.

PRUNE

According to my new regulation 4211, and I quote: "An employee shall always pay for broken merchandise out of his own pocket." Unquote.

Prune sits back down in the throne.

PRUNE

Now let me see. Dolls: 2.

Blossom takes the sum from Santa's money. He continues to collect as Prune assesses damages.

PRUNE

Windmill: 4. Horses: 700! And that leaves you exactly 1.

Prune strides over to the counter.

PRUNE

And now, gentlemen, try and pay the rent with that.

Santa sits down in shock, landing on the OTTOMAN in front of the throne. A crunching sound is heard.

SANTA

Oh, dear. I'm sorry.

Santa pulls out Prune's HAT, now crushed.

PRUNE

Not at all, my dear, dear friend.

Prune takes the last of Santa's money.

PRUNE

This will just about pay for repairing the damage.

Blossom gets Santa and Sam's COATS AND HATS from the COAT STAND behind the throne.

PRUNE

(handing them their things)

Gentlemen, this way out!

SAM

All right, Mr. Phineas T. Prune, but we're not licked yet! There's still some time before midnight! Come on, Santa, come on.

PRUNE

(following them to the door)

At last. At last. At last!

EXT. - PRUNE'S DEPARTMENT STORE

PRUNE

All these years I've waited, and now, victory is mine! Do you hear that: Victory is mine! Mine!! Mine!!! Mine!!!!

Blossom releases the "MEET SANTA CLAUS IN PERSON AT" SIGN so it falls at Prune's feet.

PRUNE

(stomping on the sign)

And Merry Christmas? I don't think! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

EXT. - TOWN - NIGHT

The town is seen from above.

CHILDREN (V.O.)

(singing)

I've got a date with Santa,
at half-past Christmas time.
I've got a date with Santa,
we'll have a lovely time.
I've had my nap, I'm feeling great,
And Mom says I can stay up late.
I'm going to do my very best
To meet my Merry Christmas guest.

This verse was accompanied by the following MONTAGE

A) A mother helps her daughter to bed

B) A father helps his daughter hang a stocking

C) A father and mother kiss their daughter goodnight

END MONTAGE

EXT. - STREET - NIGHT

Silence as Sam and Santa in their coats and hats walk slowly down the street.

TOWN FROM ABOVE

CHILDREN (V.O.)

(singing)

I've got a date with Santa;
he's got a date with me.
I've got a gift for Santa,
and he'll have some for me.
He said he'd stay and chat awhile.
He's got the nicest friendly smile.
I've got a date with Santa,
at half-past Christmas time.

I must try to stay awake:
he comes just once a year.
There's a speech I want to make
"I love you, Santa dear."

This verse was accompanied by the following MONTAGE

A) A boy looks up the chimney

B) A girl gets into bed

C) A father tucks in his son

D) A boy tastes some frosting on a cake, then runs to bed

E) Lights go out in the overhead shot of the town

END MONTAGE

EXT. - STREET

Silence as Sam and Santa continue walking. Santa looks to Sam, then looks away.

TOWN FROM ABOVE

CHILDREN (V.O.)

(singing)

I've got a date with Santa,
how lucky can you get?
I've got a date with Santa,
I hope he won't forget.
We're meeting at my Christmas tree.
'Cause that's where
he said he would be.
I've got a date with Santa,
at half-past Christmas time.

This verse was accompanied by the following MONTAGE

A) Six boys get into one bed, three at each end, then a seventh boy runs in, moves the chamber pot out the way, and squeezes in

B) A boy goes to sleep in his bed

END MONTAGE

EXT. - STREET

Silence as Sam and Santa walk some more.

10. A Miracle

EXT. - TOWN SQUARE - NIGHT

SAM and SANTA reach the square. A few last-minute shoppers rush by with packages under their arms.

SANTA

What time is it, Sam?

SAM

Ten o'clock.

SANTA

Two more hours to go.

Sam NODS. He and Santa reach a park BENCH and sit down.

SAM

I'm sorry, Santa. I've been racking my brains, but I still can't come up with any bright ideas.

SANTA

Now, my boy. You mustn't blame yourself. You did your best. Never mind, something will turn up.

SAM

What? I can't think of anything.

SANTA

A miracle, perhaps? I don't know of a better time for a miracle, than on Christmas Eve.

Santa turns to see CHARLIE, a "boy" with a thin CHRISTMAS TREE over his shoulder, enter the square. He is whistling the tune from "I've Got a Date With Santa". The three of them are now the only inhabitants of the square. Charlie sees Santa and Sam and approaches them.

CHARLIE

Merry Christmas, sirs.

SAM

And a Merry Christmas to you. You're out kind of late, aren't you?

CHARLIE

I know, but I've got permission. You see, trees are always less expensive, if you pick them up at the last minute.

Charlie gets a good look at Santa.

CHARLIE

You know something, mister? You look kind of familiar. I've seen you someplace before. Would you mind stepping closer to the lamppost?

Charlie guides Santa to another BENCH located under a LAMPPOST. Now that we can get a good look at him, it's clear that Charlie, credited as "The Boy Who Saved Christmas," is sporting a mustache. A mustache! Why, he's no boy at all!

CHARLIE

(ignoring me)

Well of course! No wonder! Why, it's Santa Claus!

SANTA

Hello, Charlie.

CHARLIE

And you know my name, too. But wait a minute! What are you doing here, Santa? You're not due for a couple of hours yet.

SANTA

(protecting the "boy's" delicate sensibilities)

Well, I...that is...

CHARLIE

Hey, Santa? Are you all right? This is no time to be down in the dumps. Christmas is coming! Imagine me, telling Santa Claus about Christmas.

SANTA

You're very kind, my boy.

CHARLIE

Are you in trouble or something?

SANTA

No, no, no, no, no. No, no. I'm all right, I'm all right.

CHARLIE

No, something's wrong. I can feel it in my bones.

His ancient bones, which he rests by sitting down and dropping the tree.

CHARLIE

Come on, Santa, tell me. What's the trouble?

Santa still won't talk, so Charlie turns to Sam.

CHARLIE

Well, do you know?

SAM

Um-hm.

Charlie crosses to confront Sam.

CHARLIE

Well? Come on! Tell me.

Charlie sits next to Sam.

SANTA

No, Sam, please!

Look, if Charlie is old enough to enlist, he's old enough to handle The End of Christmas For All Eternity.

SAM

I'm sorry Santa, but this is no time for pride.

Sam whispers his secret into Charlie's ear, thereby saving Christmas. Charlie (whose hair probably just turned white under his cap) starts pacing back and forth.

CHARLIE

Golly, Santa. You really are in trouble. Boy. This is an emergency. We've got to do something. And quick.

Charlie turns, reaches into a pocket, and offers a COIN to Santa.

CHARLIE

Hey, I've got a quarter you can have. Would that be enough? No, I guess not.

Charlie puts the quarter back, as Santa puts a hand on his shoulder to comfort him.

CHARLIE

Well, we better think fast.

(slapping Santa's knee)

Hey! I've got it! Why don't we ask all the kids to chip in? I bet they'd be glad to help!

SANTA

Oh, I couldn't allow that!

CHARLIE

(standing)

Why not? You've been doing things for us for a long time. It's time we started doing something for you. What are friends for, anyway?

Charlie dashes to the edge of the square and starts yelling in the direction of the homes that surround them.

CHARLIE

(shouting)

Hey kids, wake up! Hey kids, do you hear me? Wake up! Wake up, do you hear me? Listen kids, Santa Claus is in a jam! I've no time to explain, but he needs money to pay the rent! So start digging in! Do you hear me? Wake up! Wake up!

CHARLIE

(even louder)

Do you hear me? Wake up! Wake up kids, wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Do you hear me? Wake up! Hey kids, do you hear me? Santa's in trouble! Bring your pennies! Do you hear me? Wake up! Hurry up, come on, wake up! Wake up! Come on, kids, wake up! Do you hear me, wake up!

This exhortation is accompanied by the following MONTAGE

A) Snow falls on rooftops

B) A brother and sister are asleep in their beds

C) A girl is sleeping beside her PIGGY BANK

D) A boy is sleeping

E) Another boy is sleeping

F) Another girl is sleeping

G) A boy is sleeping

H) A boy is sleeping

I) A girl is sleeping

END MONTAGE

CHARLIE

(shouting some more)

Wake up kids, wake up! Do you hear me? Santa needs you! He's in trouble! Do you hear me? Wake up! Do you hear me? Bring your pennies! Wake up! Come on, kids, wake up! Santa's in trouble! He needs you! Do you hear me? Wake up! Come on, kids! Hurry up! Wake up! Santa's in trouble. He needs you. Bring your pennies. Wake up! Wake up, come on kids! Wake up, Santa needs you! He's in trouble! Come on! Wake up! Hurry, wake up! Faster!

This is accompanied by the following MONTAGE

A) A sleeping girl turns over

B) Another sleeping girl tosses in bed

C) A sleeping boy wakes up

D) A girl tosses in bed

E) A boy throws off his covers

F) A girl jumps out of bed

G) The girl with the piggy bank gets up and GRABS the pig

H) A boy gets up

I) A happy girl gets up

J) A happy boy gets up

K) A boy gets up and opens a drawer next to his bed

L) The seven brothers get out of bed and go to a chest of drawers

M) Two sisters get out of bed, the older one leading the younger to a chest of drawers

N) The last of the seven brothers (the others having left already) dashes for the door with a SOCK full of coins in his hand, then turns back and puts the chamber put under the bed before leaving--he's the one Charlie is telling to go faster

END MONTAGE

A boy, a girl and another boy run out of their house into the snow in their pajamas, each of them carrying a SOCK of money. They are followed by the seven brothers. More and more children, all of then in gowns and woolen caps (oh, and wearing shoes--this is December, after all) emerge from their homes and converge on the town square.

CHILDREN (V.O.)

CHILDREN (V.O.)

PRUNE

(singing)

Nothing to do but wait.
What do you do when you wait?
Your fingers you twiddle,
It's really a riddle.
What else can you do when you wait?

Prune gets up and paces the room. Meanwhile, the elves are all pacing in the workroom.

PRUNE

(singing)

You sit and you meditate.
The clock you investigate.
You're starting to twitch,
With a wandering itch.
What else can you do when you wait?

Prune passes Mrs. Santa walking to the clock, and sits in the rocking chair.

PRUNE

(singing)

Father time,
Why are you standing still?
Can't you see,
I have some time to kill!

Prune returns to pacing as Mrs. Santa returns to her chair. The elves are all now peeking out of the workroom door.

PRUNE

(singing)

You walk up and down and you wait.
What else can you do when you wait?
Keep watching the clock,
And its silly tick-tock.
Keep saying,
"You'll just have to wait."
Have to wait, have to wait,
Have to wait.
Keep saying,
"You'll just have to wait."

(to the clock)

Keep saying,
"You'll just have to wait."
Have to wait! Have to wait!
Have to wait!
How long, do I have to wait?

The clock CHIMES.

PRUNE

Do you hear that? The clock is striking twelve.

(counting the chimes)

Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven.

Prune sits at the table.

MRS. SANTA

Oh Santa, hurry. Please hurry!

PRUNE

Eight. Nine. Ten.

MRS. SANTA

Hurry, Santa.

PRUNE

Eleven.

MRS. SANTA

Please!

PRUNE

Twelve!

Just then, the cottage is STRUCK by a familiar explosion. The elves CHEER.

MRS. SANTA

(getting up)

Oh, I knew it would be all right!

She OPENS the front door to let in SANTA and SAM. Each of them is carrying a large bulging SACK.

SANTA

Merry Christmas, everybody!

SAM

Here's the money for the rent, Mr. Prune!

They dump thousands of COINS from the sacks onto the table. Prune runs his fingers through the pile in frustration.

PRUNE

Ah, foiled! Foiled! Foiled again!

SAM

Santa, you're late! I think you better hurry up and get that sleigh loaded!

SANTA

Oh my goodness, yes! You and Mrs. Santa will have to come along, and give me a hand.

(turning to the elves)

Come on, men, let's get moving!

SAM and SANTA join the elves in the workroom, loading presents into a large SACK.

MRS. SANTA

Now, now, Mr. Prune, you'll feel better after you've had a cup of tea.

Mrs. Santa goes to the stove to pour Prune a cup of tea.

SANTA

(from the workroom door)

Hurry up, Mother! No time to lose!

MRS. SANTA

I'm ready. Here, Mr. Prune. Drink this cup of tea. You must feel very badly.

Mrs. Prune places the cup atop the pile of coins.

PRUNE

I can't stand the kindness!

Sam helps Mrs. Santa into her OVERCOAT as Prune gets up and EXITS.

11. Special Delivery

THE SANTAS AND SAM (V.O.)

(singing)

We've got a date with children.
It's half-past Christmas time!
We've got a date with children.
We'll have a lovely time!

We've paid the rent,
We're feeling great!
We're sorry we're a little late.
We're going to do our very best
To deliver our presents
To the right address.

La la-la-la la la-la.
La la-la la la la!
La la-la-la la la-la.
La la-la la la la!

La la-la-la,
La la-la-la!
La la-la-la
La la-la-la
La la-la lala
La la la la.

It's really a cute toy, and you get kind of fond of it after a few minutes. It lands in a toy town at the end of the song.

This leads into an odd musical montage, made up of zooms and sweeps across stills of Santa, Mrs. Santa and Sam running across rooftops and popping into and out of chimneys (and I thought Ken Burns was the first one to use the trick of moving the camera to keep you from noticing you're looking at photographs). There are also stills of the three of them in various homes placing presents while nearby children sleep.

As the scene ends, the toy sleigh takes off from the toy village. Considering later events, it appears that every (good) child in the world lived in this one village.

EXT. - SANTA'S SLEIGH - DAY

There is now only one present left in the sleigh. Sam picks it up.

SAM

Here's a package we forgot to deliver!

MRS. SANTA

Oh, dear! How could we have missed it?

SANTA

(taking the package)

Let me see. Oh, that must be the package Jonathan threw in at the last minute.

SAM

Does it say who it's for?

Santa's busy driving the sleigh one-handed, and he appears to be far-sighted, so he really can't examine the present in detail.

SANTA

(handing it to her)

Uh...Mother?

Mrs. Santa dons her SPECTACLES to examine the TAG attached to the present.

MRS. SANTA

Why, it's for Mr. Prune!

SAM

Prune?

INT. - PRUNE'S MANSION - DAY

PRUNE is ASLEEP in his bed, wearing a white gown and cap. Amazingly, the cobwebs around him are still intact. The curtains in the room are drawn, leaving the room in shadow. Prune holds his cane loosely in one hand and swings it around as he murmurs something in his sleep.

PRUNE

(still asleep)

Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas! Mustn't wish for special things! Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas!

SANTA and SAM ENTER from the fireplace, followed by MRS. SANTA. Santa is holding the PRESENT and an empty sack.

SANTA

Shh! Quiet. Down we come, Mother.

SAM

Shh.

SANTA

I'll just leave the package on his bed, and off we go!

MRS. SANTA looks around the room, then picks up a FEATHER DUSTER and starts dusting.

MRS. SANTA

My goodness! Look at all the dust! The poor man certainly needs someone to take care of him!

The clouds of dust raised cause SAM and SANTA to STIFFLE sneezes. Across the room, the sleeping PRUNE SNEEZES, dropping his cane.

SANTA

Bless you.

PRUNE

(waking up)

Thank you.

Prune sits up, then pulls a curtain open, LIGHTING the room.

PRUNE

Ghosts! Three ghosts! Have you come to haunt me?

Prune HIDES under his blankets. The Santas as Sam approach the foot of the bed--a wall of cobwebs separate them from him.

SANTA

Now, now, Mr. Prune. Whatever gave you such an idea?

MRS. SANTA

Really, Mr. Prune, there's nothing to be frightened of! It's only Santa, and Mr. Whipple, and me!

Prune lowers his blankets to glare at them.

PRUNE

Invasion of privacy! Ask your lawyer over there!

He then covers up again.

SANTA

All we want to do, is wish you a Merry Christmas. And deliver this package to you.

Prune slowly lowers the blanket from his face.

PRUNE

A package? A present? For me?

MRS. SANTA

Why not, Mr. Prune? Christmas is for everybody.

Santa breaks through the cobweb wall and GIVES the present to PRUNE.

MRS. SANTA

Go on. Open it.

Prune UNWRAPS the present, revealing a toy wooden SAILBOAT. He looks on it with wonder.

PRUNE

A sailboat. Why, it's a sailboat.

SANTA

Oh dear, I'm sorry, Mr. Prune. I hope you don't think I'm playing a joke on you.

PRUNE

Joke? Why, no. I think I have always wanted a sailboat.

SAM

You mean, you asked for a sailboat?

PRUNE

I don't know. I seem to remember...

Prune notices an ENVELOPE under the boat. He pulls out a folded LETTER, unfolds it, and looks for the signature.

PRUNE

(reading the letter)

"From Jonathan."

SANTA

My head bookkeeper.

PRUNE

(reading)

"Dear Mr. Prune, Santa asked me to see if there was any record of you. I couldn't find anything in my books. But in a corner behind my desk, I found this postcard. With your name, and address,..."

Prune pulls a POSTCARD from the envelope and HANDS it to Santa. Santa tries to read it, then looks for his spectacles, which he must have left in his other suit.

MRS. SANTA

Santa.

He hands the postcard to her, and she puts on her spectacles to read it.

MRS. SANTA

(reading the postcard)

"Dear Santa. Please, may I have a sailboat for Christmas? I love you, and I am five years old." Signed, Phineas T. Prune.

PRUNE

(reading the letter)

"...And that's why Santa never came to visit. I am so sorry. Please forgive me, as I shall never forgive myself. Sincerely, Jonathan."

Prune puts down the letter and picks up the sailboat.

SANTA

Now I understand why.

PRUNE

Everybody said there was something funny about little Phineas. "Why doesn't Santa ever visit him? Maybe he isn't a child after all?" I made up my mind I didn't want to be a child! I wanted to forget I ever was a child!

MRS. SANTA

Poor Phineas!

PRUNE

(getting up)

Oh, no, there is no need to feel sorry for me. I've got the one thing I ever really wanted with all my heart. I do believe I feel better than I have felt in years, and years, and years.

SANTA

That's right, my boy. There's nothing like Christmas, to make a fellow feel better.

PRUNE

May I say just one more thing: Merry Christmas.

MRS. SANTA

(hugging Prune)

Dear, dear Phineas.

(looking around)

But Santa, we can't just leave Phineas like this! In such a gloomy house at Christmas time! Well then, don't just stand there, do something!

Mrs. Santa starts dusting a nearby table. Santa goes to another table. Sam stands beside him, confused.

SANTA

Go on, go on!

A montage follows, as Prune watches the Santas and Sam clean up his house. This is accompanied by a children's chorus.

CHILDREN (V.O.)

PRUNE

Prune is getting tired. He turns and sees a SHY BOY hiding behind a bench. Prune tries to gently approach the boy, but he runs way, Prune pursuing. Prune finally catches the boy, and the two tumble into the snow. Prune then gives the sailboat to the boy. The boy accepts the gift happily and Prune hugs him, as a crowd of children gather.

12. End Credits

CHROUS (V.O.)

Why can't every day be Christmas?
Why can't every day be gay?
Why can't every day be
Merry Christmas
Each and every day.

Prune leads the children into his mansion, their parents watching bemusedly, as the credits roll.

SINGER (V.O.)

So, that was the Christmas
that almost wasn't,
Almost wasn't, almost wasn't.
So, that was the Christmas
that almost wasn't,
Because of a man named Prune.

But Prune changed his mind
and said "I'm sorry,
"Really sorry. Awful sorry.
"I've changed my mind
and I won't be sorry
"If Christmas comes every day."

Prune, Prune was his name.
There is one thing we must explain.
Prune, Prune was his name.
And a very nice man Mr. Prune became.

Blossom, seeing the generosity of his boss, SMILES for perhaps the first time in his life, then FOLLOWS Prune into the house and CLOSES the door. The DOG barks at being left out in the cold snow. Blossom OPENS the door, smiles, and UNCHAINS the dog and brings him inside.

SINGER (V.O.)

So, that was the Christmas
that almost wasn't,
Almost wasn't, almost wasn't.
So, that was the Christmas
that almost wasn't,
But it won't ever happen again.

Animated curtains close, revealing the words "MERRY CHRISTMAS" (or "BUON NATALE" in the original Italian).

FADE OUT.

T H E   E N D

Out

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