MTV's Beavis and Butt-Head
in


"Bum Deal"


script by
Cynthia "Sparky" Read

FADE IN

EXT SHOT/DAY

SIDEWALK IN FRONT OF SHOPPING CENTER

Mid-range shot of BEAVIS and BUTT-HEAD walking down the street. Clenched tightly in BUTT-HEAD's hand is a single bill of currency.

BUTT-HEAD
I can't believe that dumbass Anderson gave
us twenty dollars to paint his stupid dog.

MR. ANDERSON'S BACK YARD

ANDERSON's little french poodle is stuck to the ground in a puddle of light blue paint.

ANDERSON comes out of the back door with a beer in his hand.

ANDERSON
I wonder what kind of job those boys did on
my fence...I certainly gave them enough money
for it. Of course, in my day, you didn't get paid
to paint other people's fences...you had to do it.

SIDEWALK IN FRONT OF SHOPPING CENTER

BEAVIS
Meh heh heh...yeah. Uh, hey Butt-Head, I
still think he like, wanted us to paint the car,
or something.

BUTT-HEAD
Who cares, Butt-Munch! He gave us the money,
didn't he?

BEAVIS
Oh yeah, yeah.

They stop. BUTT-HEAD turns to face BEAVIS.

BUTT-HEAD
So like, what should we spend it on?

BEAVIS
Umm...I dunno. Heh...heh...

BUTT-HEAD
Well, we'd better stay here until we think of something.

BEAVIS
Okay.

They sit down on the curb. People and cars pass by, and the scene fades into night. The streets become deserted. The boys have not moved.

BEAVIS
So...what should we spend it on?

BUTT-HEAD
I don't know, Monkey-Spank! Weren't you trying
to think of anything?

BEAVIS
Uh...no. Was I like, supposed to, or something?
(BUTT-HEAD hits him)
Aaah!

BUTT-HEAD
Well, think of something now, Beavis! I wanna
go home and watch TV.

BEAVIS
Okay.

They continue to sit there. The scene fades back to day, and traffic resumes.

BEAVIS
Hey, Butt-Head! I thought of something!

BUTT-HEAD
Well, what is it?

BEAVIS
We could buy a chick!

BUTT-HEAD
You Dill-Hole! You can't buy a chick!

BEAVIS
Oh, oh yeah...Uh, hey Butt-Head!

BUTT-HEAD
What?

BEAVIS
Uh...like, why not, and stuff?

BUTT-HEAD
You just can't, Beavis!

BEAVIS
Uh, but Butt-Head...remember on that cop show
we saw, those cops were arresting that one chick
'cause she was letting guys give her money to
feel her thingies?

BUTT-HEAD
Oh yeah...Prostitutes...Huh huh...Huh huh...
That's a pretty good idea, Beavis.

BEAVIS
Meh heh heh...heh heh...yeah. Thanks. So...
where do we find one?

BUTT-HEAD
I dunno.

A young, not entirely unattractive WOMAN dressed in rags approaches a BUSINESSMAN in the background.

WOMAN
Excuse me sir, could you help me--?

BUSINESSMAN
I'm tired of you people! I'm in a hurry!
Get out of my way--I don't have anything for you!
(he rushes off)

The WOMAN approaches a MAN in casual clothes.

WOMAN
Please, sir, could you possibly spare some money?
Please, anything?

MAN
I'm sorry, miss.
(he walks away)

BUTT-HEAD
Woah! She's a whore!

The BOYS get up and walk up behind the WOMAN, who is sobbing slightly.

BUTT-HEAD
Hey baby...Huh huh...We've got some money.

WOMAN
(turning around)
Oh, bless you boys! I'll take anything!

BUTT-HEAD
Huh...Huh huh...I bet you will.

BEAVIS
Meh heh...heh heh...yeah...Hey Butt-Head, I get to
feel her thingies first, okay?

WOMAN
Excuse me?

BUTT-HEAD
(holding out the twenty-dollar bill)
Here's the cash. You can have it if you spank our
monkeys.

The WOMAN screams in terror. A POLICEMAN rushes OS.

POLICEMAN
What happened here?

WOMAN
These boys want to rape me!

A crowd begins to form.

POLICEMAN
(to the BOYS)
Are you soliciting sex from this young lady?

BEAVIS
No way, fart-knocker!

BUTT-HEAD
Yeah. We just wanna "beat around her bush."
Huh huh...

POLICEMAN
That's it, you delinquents, you're coming with me!

The POLICEMAN grabs the BOYS' arms and drags them, protesting, away. BUTT-HEAD drops the twenty-dollar bill, and the WOMAN picks it up quickly. People from the crowd approach the WOMAN and begin giving her money.

FADE OUT

Beavis, Butt-Head, and Mr. Anderson are copyright (c)MTV. Script copyright (c)1995 Cynthia "Sparky" Read.

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