Hanna Barbera's Two Stupid Dogs
in
"El Tortillo"
a spec script by
Cynthia "Sparky" Read
FADE IN
EXT SHOT/DAY
A park. BIG DOG AND LITTLE DOG are walking on the sidewalk on the park's
perimeter.
LITTLE DOG
So then I said: I was eating that, you big--hey!
(to BIG DOG)
Are
you listening?
BIG DOG
No.
LITTLE DOG
Oh. Good.
A little girl in the park throws a white frisbee to a yapping terrier.
LITTLE DOG
Frisbee!!
He runs into the park. BIG DOG slowly follows him.
The terrier, on the far side of a bush, worries the frisbee briefly,
then runs off. LITTLE DOG bursts through the bush.
LITTLE DOG
Hey, where'd the frisbee go?
BIG DOG arrives. At the nearby curb, a bus with an advertisement for a
restaurant called "Hollywood's House of Authentic Tex-Mex Cuisine" pauses
at the stop sign. On the ad is a picture of a machine with the caption
"El Tortillo--the amazing tortilla-making machine." A large white
tortilla is shown coming out of the machine. The camera zooms in on the
tortilla.
LITTLE DOG
Frisbee!
The bus pulls away. LITTLE DOG barks and runs after it, but cannot catch it,
and stops, panting. BIG DOG sits next to him. The bus drives around the
corner.
LITTLE DOG
It's gone! The frisbee's gone! Where is it?
Where's the frisbee?
BIG DOG notices a restaurant across the street with the same picture of the
machine on its window as on the bus.
BIG DOG
It must be in there.
LITTLE DOG
Yeah!
(singsong)
No need to care, the frisbee's in there!
(normal)
Come on!
The dogs enter the restaurant. They are are greeted by HOLLYWOOD himself. He
is wearing a cheesy cowboy outfit.
HOLLYWOOD
Well howdy there, buckaroos! Welcome to Hollywood's House
of Aw-then-tick Tex-Mex Cwee-seen! Table for two?
LITTLE DOG
A frisbee for two, please.
HOLLYWOOD
A frisbee...Heh heh...Ain't that cute? But it's wrong!!
(gesturing to a round table in the corner)
Why don't you boys sit right over here and I'll send
a waitress right over.
(he goes through the back doors)
The dogs sit at the table. BIG DOG notices the glass of water in front of
him.
BIG DOG
Wat-er.
He slurps so hard on the glass that the glass lodges itself over his snout.
LITTLE DOG's ears perk up when he sees the put-put-putting tortilla
machine against the wall. Balls of dough are being generated by one part
of the machine, rolled flat by another, and then sent via conveyor belt
through an oven. At the end they drop onto plates, steaming hot, and are
carried away by beaming waitresses in revealing cowgirl outfits.
LITTLE DOG
Oh boy...Frisbee!
He jumps off of his chair and heads for the machine just as a waitress
approaches the dogs' table.
WAITRESS
Well now, what can I get y'all?
BIG DOG
(chewing on his menu)
Uhhh...
WAITRESS
We have a lovely buffet.
BIG DOG
Okay.
WAITRESS
(scribbling on her pad)
I'll get you a plate. Be right back, cutie!
(she walks away)
BIG DOG sniffs the bottle of tobasco sauce, then rolls it into his mouth
with his tongue. He belches loudly, and the flowers in the little vase on
the table instantly die, wilt, turn black, and crumble away.
LITTLE DOG sits in front of El Tortillo, turning his head from side to side.
The camera becomes his eyes and alternates between focusing first on the
balls of dough getting flattened, and the flattened balls entering the oven.
His gaze settles on the steaming tortillas.
LITTLE DOG
Frisbee!
(he grabs one up, and spits it out)
Ow! Hot!
The tortilla sails across the restaurant and lands on a plate carried by the
WAITRESS. The WAITRESS puts the plate on a table occupied by a young
couple.
LITTLE DOG
Hey! My frisbee!
The WAITRESS walks over to the dogs' table with a clean plate. She holds it
out.
WAITRESS
Here's your plate, cutie.
BIG DOG
What do I do with it?
WAITRESS
Why, take it to the buffet, of course!
BIG DOG slowly takes the plate in his mouth and walks over to the buffet.
He sits down and waits, looking at the buffet. Nothing happens. People come
and go, helping themselves to the buffet. BIG DOG watches, then begins
to climb up onto the counter, the plate still in his mouth.
The couple on whose table the waitress put LITTLE DOG's tortilla on hold
eachother's hands and look into eachother's eyes.
MAN
Sarah, we've been coming to this place together
for a long time now, and...and I think that we could
ah...call this our...special place.
SARAH
Oh Peter, I think so too.
PETER
So...I thought that this would be the perfect
place to ask you...
SARAH
(eagerly)
Ask me what, Peter?
At the buffet, BIG DOG is using his plate as a scoop to empty all the bowls
and slide the food into his mouth.
PETER
Well, Sarah, I...I...wanted to ask you--that is,
I was just wondering...if...if
SARAH
(greedily)
Yes, Peter?
PETER
(pulling a small box out of his pocket and holding it out)
Well Sarah, I wanted to give you this--
LITTLE DOG
(leaping onto the table between them)
--Frisbee!!
He snatches up a quesadilla from SARAH's plate and shakes it
vigorously. Sour cream, guacamole, and salsa fly all over the
restaurant. People scream and dive for cover. Some flying guacamole
hits El Tortillo's control panel and steaming tortillas begin shooting
out rapidly. HOLLYWOOD races out from the kitchen.
HOLLYWOOD
All right, what's goin' on--
A steaming tortilla lands on HOLLYWOOD's face. He screams and peels it off.
All his stubble is now gone--it's on the tortilla. HOLLYWOOD stares in
horror at BIG DOG, who's lying with distended stomach against the ravaged
and empty buffet counter.
HOLLYWOOD
My buffet! It's ruined!
(to LITTLE DOG)
And what do you think you're doin'?
LITTLE DOG
(dropping the tattered quesadilla and wagging his tail)
Playing frisbee!
HOLLYWOOD
Playin' frisbee...Heh heh..Ain't that cute? But
it's wrong!! You're goin' to pay for this--both
of you! Now march!!
Cut to the dogs in the kitchen, sitting on stools next to a sink of
dirty dishes. They're wearing hair nets over their ears. LITTLE DOG
takes used plates from a conveyor belt coming from the main room, and
holds them out to BIG DOG, who sucks them into his mouth, then spits
them out clean onto a stack on the counter.
LITTLE DOG
(sighs)
I wanna play frisbee some more.
A bus pauses at the stop sign outside the window. On the side of the bus
is an advertisement for "Sweet Susie's Candy Emporium." On the sign is a
picture of several striped peppermint sticks.
LITTLE DOG
Stick!!
He runs out the back door, BIG DOG ambling slowly after him.
Shot of the dogs pursuing the bus over the horizon.
LITTLE DOG
Oh boy, a stick! You throw it, and I'll run
after it, okay?
BIG DOG
I can't throw.
LITTLE DOG
Oh. Well then, I'll throw it, and you run after it, okay?
BIG DOG
You can't throw either.
LITTLE DOG
Oh. Then you won't throw it, and I won't
throw it, then we'll both run after it, okay?
BIG DOG
Okay.
FADE OUT
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